15 Retro Beauty Salon Treatments That Seemed Like Absolute Torture Devices
Ah, the good old days—when beauty truly meant pain, patience, and some slightly terrifying gadgets! Flipping through my grandmother’s vintage beauty magazines was like uncovering a secret chamber of medieval spa torture.
I mean, who knew glamour came with scalp-sizzling perms, face-tightening masks that looked like horror movie props, and hair dryers that resembled space helmets? Our moms and grandmas were the true warriors of the beauty world, enduring hours under clunky machines just to achieve the “perfect” look.
It’s wild to think they sat there, calmly flipping through magazines, while being practically shrink-wrapped in mystery creams or baked under giant domes. Today’s beauty routines feel like a spa day in comparison! Looking back, it’s equal parts fascinating and hilarious.
But hey—those bold women walked so we could stroll into salons and enjoy cucumber water. Respect where it’s due!
1. The Permanent Wave Machine
Holy hair-raising horror! The permanent wave machine from the 1930s looked like something straight out of Frankenstein’s laboratory. My grandmother once showed me a photo of herself attached to one of these monsters—dozens of wires dangling from a central dome, each connected to a curl on her head.
Women would sit for hours while the machine heated metal clamps to nearly 200 degrees. The heat would transfer through the wires to the hair, which had been slathered in harsh chemicals. The smell was reportedly unbearable—a noxious mix of ammonia and burning hair.
The worst part? You couldn’t move an inch during the process or risk uneven curls or even burns to your scalp. Beauty was literally pain, and these ladies were tethered to machines like science experiments!
2. Facial Ironing
Wrinkles begone—by force! Before Botox, there was actual ironing for your face. Aestheticians would literally press heated irons onto women’s faces to smooth out wrinkles. My great-aunt Clara swore by this treatment in the 1950s and claimed it took years off her appearance.
The process involved applying a thick layer of paraffin wax or cream to protect the skin (hopefully), then pressing a warm metal implement across the forehead, cheeks, and around the eyes. The heat supposedly stimulated collagen production and flattened out those pesky expression lines.
Imagine the terror of having someone hover a hot metal object inches from your eyeballs! One wrong move and you’d be explaining an unusual burn at your next social gathering. Talk about pressing matters!
3. Vacuum Face Masks
Suction for perfection! The vacuum face mask was essentially a space helmet for your beauty regimen. I stumbled across an advertisement for these in my mother’s old magazine collection and nearly spat out my coffee.
The transparent plastic contraption sealed around your neck, creating an airtight chamber around your head. Then, a pump would gradually suck out the air, supposedly drawing blood to the surface of your skin for a “youthful glow.” Women reported feeling their faces pulsate as blood vessels expanded under the decreased pressure.
Imagine sitting there, unable to speak, your cheeks pulling away from your bones, all while praying the salon didn’t lose electricity mid-treatment. The before-and-after photos showed flushed, puffy faces that looked more like allergic reactions than beauty enhancements!
4. Dimple Machines
Cuteness by force! Dimple machines were all the rage in the 1930s when having those adorable cheek indentations was considered the height of beauty. My grandmother’s cousin purchased one through a mail-order catalog and used it religiously for months.
The contraption consisted of metal prongs that pressed into your cheeks where dimples would naturally appear. You’d wear this spring-loaded face cage for extended periods, sometimes overnight, as it painfully dug into your skin. The theory was that eventually, the muscles would remember the indentation and form permanent dimples.
Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. Instead, women ended up with temporary red marks and occasional bruising. Imagine explaining to your date that your face hurts because you’ve been stabbing your cheeks with metal in pursuit of cuteness!
5. The Scalp Electrode Helmet
Zap your way to luxurious locks! The scalp electrode helmet looked like something designed for prison interrogations rather than beauty enhancement. When I mentioned these to my hairdresser, she shuddered and shared stories her instructor had told during beauty school.
Women would sit with metal helmets covering their heads, while small electrical currents pulsed through their scalps. The mild shocks supposedly stimulated blood flow to hair follicles, encouraging growth and thickness. Users reported tingling sensations that ranged from “mildly uncomfortable” to “am I being electrocuted right now?”
The machines came with dials and gauges that made them look impressively scientific. Salons charged premium prices for these “advanced treatments,” despite zero evidence they worked. The only guaranteed result was static electricity that made your hair stand on end!
6. Rollercoaster Reducing Machines
Roll that fat away! These bizarre contraptions featured rolling pins that would literally roll across your body, supposedly breaking up fat deposits. My aunt had one in her basement that I discovered during a childhood game of hide-and-seek—I thought it was some kind of medieval torture rack!
Women would lie on tables while mechanical rollers pummeled their thighs, buttocks, and stomachs. The pressure was often intense enough to leave bruises, but that was considered proof it was “working.” Some models added vibration for extra fat-busting power, shaking the entire salon when running at full speed.
Salon operators claimed these machines could remove inches in just one session. The only thing they reliably removed was comfort and dignity—and maybe a few dollars from eager customers’ wallets. No pain, no gain took on a whole new meaning!
7. The Nose Shaper
Rhinoplasty without surgery? The nose shaper was plastic surgery for penny-pinchers! These bizarre devices clamped onto your nose and squeezed it into what society deemed a more desirable shape. My mother found one in her grandmother’s vanity drawer and couldn’t figure out what it was until she showed it to her elderly neighbor.
Made of metal or hard plastic, these contraptions were worn for hours daily—sometimes overnight—to gradually reshape nasal cartilage. They came with adjustable screws to increase pressure over time, slowly squeezing your nose thinner or straightening a bump on the bridge.
Users reported difficulty breathing, indentation marks that lasted for hours, and occasionally, nosebleeds. Yet women persisted, hoping to achieve the perfect profile without going under the knife. Talk about pressure to conform to beauty standards!
8. The Violet Ray Machine
Electricity for everything! The violet ray machine was the Swiss Army knife of beauty torture—allegedly treating everything from acne to hair loss with the power of electric current. I found an advertisement for one in my grandfather’s attic and was equal parts horrified and fascinated.
These devices featured glass electrodes that would be pressed against the skin while emitting a purplish glow and crackling sound. The mild electrical current supposedly killed bacteria, stimulated circulation, and rejuvenated cells. Users reported sensations ranging from warm tingling to sharp zaps when the current intensity increased unexpectedly.
Beauty salons marketed these treatments as “modern science,” despite questionable safety standards. The combination of electricity and facial oils created a literal fire hazard. Nothing says beauty like the risk of electrocution during your weekly facial!
9. Tape Face Lifts
Scotch tape: not just for wrapping presents! Before modern face lifts, women resorted to literally taping their faces into more youthful positions. My grandmother’s best friend taught her this trick for special occasions, and I was stunned when she demonstrated it at my request.
The process involved strategically placing strong adhesive tape behind the ears and hairline, then pulling the skin upward before securing the other end of the tape to the scalp. Women would arrange their hair to hide the tape and pray it wouldn’t come unstuck during important events.
The immediate results were impressive—temporarily eliminating sagging jowls and smoothing wrinkles. The downsides? Painful removal that sometimes took hair with it, tape that slipped during warm weather, and the constant fear of someone spotting your DIY facelift. Beauty was truly held together by a thread—or in this case, tape!
10. Eyebrow Beading
Brow trends have always been painful! Before microblading, there was eyebrow beading—a process that makes today’s threading look like a gentle caress. I heard about this from my great-aunt who had it done in the 1920s when pencil-thin brows were all the rage.
The beautician would roll a small metal wheel embedded with tiny sharp points along the eyebrow area, creating rows of small punctures. Then, they’d rub dye into these wounds, creating a semi-permanent tattoo effect. No anesthesia, just pure grit and determination for fashion.
Women endured bleeding, swelling, and sometimes infection, all for perfectly shaped brows that lasted several months. The precision was impressive, but the process was essentially controlled facial stabbing. Imagine explaining to your husband why you’re wearing bandages over your eyes for your new “beauty treatment”!
11. The Sleeping Beauty Mask
Nightmare fuel disguised as beauty sleep! The sleeping beauty mask wasn’t the soothing silk eye covering we think of today. This 1940s contraption was a full-face mold made of rubber or plastic that strapped tightly around the head to prevent “sleep wrinkles.”
My grandmother had one tucked away in an old hatbox. It looked like something from a horror movie—a faceless, flesh-colored shell with tiny breathing holes at the nose and a slit for the mouth. The mask applied constant pressure to prevent the face from making any expressions or creasing against the pillow during sleep.
Women reported waking up drenched in sweat, with red pressure marks that sometimes lasted longer than any wrinkles would have. Some versions even added chin straps that pulled so tightly they caused headaches. Beauty sleep never looked so terrifying!
12. Freckle Removal Acid
Chemical warfare against your own skin! When freckles fell out of fashion, women turned to dangerous acids to bleach them away. My redheaded grandmother was pressured to try this treatment in the 1950s but thankfully declined after witnessing a friend’s experience.
The process involved applying carbolic acid, mercuric chloride, or other caustic substances directly to freckles with a small brush. These chemicals would literally burn off the top layer of skin. Women endured stinging pain, followed by scabbing and peeling as their skin recovered from what was essentially a chemical burn.
Salons marketed these treatments as “gentle bleaching,” despite the risk of permanent scarring and hypopigmentation. Some women were left with white spots more noticeable than their original freckles! The irony? Today, people are drawing freckles on with makeup. If only grandma had known her spots would eventually be trendy!
13. Cellulite Vacuum Pants
Suction your way to smooth thighs! Cellulite vacuum pants were essentially rubber trousers connected to a vacuum pump that promised to suck the dimples right out of your legs. My mother’s cousin tried these in the 1970s and her description had me in stitches.
Women would squeeze into these airtight rubber pants that sealed at the waist. Once secured, a technician would connect hoses to various points and activate the vacuum, creating suction that pulled at the skin. The theory was that this would break up fat deposits and improve circulation to problem areas.
The reality? Twenty minutes of uncomfortable suctioning while sweating profusely in rubber pants. Ladies emerged red, swollen, and temporarily smoother—emphasis on temporarily. The treatment room reportedly sounded like a bizarre symphony of suction noises and occasional gasps when the pressure increased unexpectedly!
14. The Neck Stretcher
Giraffe-inspired beauty was apparently a thing! The neck stretcher was a bizarre contraption designed to elongate the neck and reduce double chins. When I mentioned researching vintage beauty devices to my great-aunt, she cackled and told me about her mother’s neck stretcher experiences.
The device consisted of a chin strap attached to weights or springs that pulled upward, stretching the skin and muscles of the neck. Women would wear these devices for hours, reading or doing housework while essentially hanging their faces from their skulls. Some versions included heated elements to “melt” neck fat while stretching.
Users reported headaches, jaw pain, and difficulty swallowing after extended use. Yet they persisted, convinced that a swan-like neck was worth the discomfort. I can’t help but wonder if actual swans would approve of humans torturing themselves in their honor!
15. The Sauna Belt
Sweaty midsections were all the rage! The sauna belt was essentially a corset made of rubber or vinyl that promised to melt away fat through localized sweating. My mother confessed to using one before her high school reunion in the 1980s, though the technology dates back decades earlier.
Women would wrap these thick belts around their waists, securing them tightly. Some versions plugged into electrical outlets, heating up like an electric blanket wrapped around your middle. Others relied on special creams that created a burning sensation when trapped against the skin under the belt.
The only thing these devices reliably reduced was water weight through excessive sweating. Users reported dizziness from dehydration, skin rashes from the rubber, and occasionally mild burns from overheated elements. Nothing says glamour like a soggy, sweaty midsection and the lingering aroma of rubber!