10 Times Vintage Fashion Ads Gave Unbelievable Advice
Flipping through old magazines reveals a treasure trove of fashion advice that makes modern readers scratch their heads in disbelief.
Back in the day, fashion advertisements weren’t just selling clothes but peddling bizarre lifestyle tips and strange beauty standards that seem ridiculous today.
These vintage fashion ads offer a hilarious glimpse into the past, showcasing advice so impractical and outdated that we can’t help but laugh.
1. Cigarettes As Weight Loss Tools
Smoke yourself thin! Vintage tobacco ads brazenly promoted cigarettes as appetite suppressants, suggesting women light up instead of reaching for a snack. Lucky Strike’s infamous ‘Reach for a Lucky instead of a sweet’ campaign epitomized this dangerous trend.
Models posed with cigarettes dangling from manicured fingers, promising slimmer waistlines with every puff. The idea that fashion-forward women should trade nutrition for nicotine seems especially absurd from our modern perspective.
2. Girdles For Teenage Girls
Teen magazines from the 1960s regularly featured ads suggesting that girls as young as 14 needed foundation garments to be socially acceptable. ‘Even young figures need firm control!’ proclaimed one particularly disturbing advertisement for junior girdles.
These uncomfortable contraptions were marketed as essential for proper development and popularity. Imagine telling today’s teenagers they need to squeeze into restrictive undergarments just to wear everyday clothes!
3. Bizarre Bust-Enhancing Remedies
Before modern plastic surgery, vintage ads promoted truly bizarre methods for increasing bust size. From ‘developing creams’ containing questionable ingredients to mechanical devices promising to ‘pump up’ your chest, these solutions bordered on medieval torture.
One particularly outlandish product advised women to slap their chests with a special paddle to stimulate growth. Another recommended sleeping in an uncomfortable harness that supposedly trained your figure into the desired silhouette overnight.
4. The ‘Smile While You Vacuum’ Campaign
Fashion wasn’t just about clothes but also about maintaining perfect feminine composure while doing household chores! Countless ads presented immaculately dressed women joyfully vacuuming in heels and pearls, suggesting real ladies never looked disheveled.
One particularly ridiculous campaign advised women to practice facial expressions in the mirror before cleaning, ensuring they maintained an attractive smile even when scrubbing toilets.
Heaven forbid your husband should come home to find you looking like you’ve actually been working!
5. Hat-Related Hair Advice
Fashion magazines from the 1940s offered truly perplexing advice about hat-wearing protocol. Women were instructed to select hats based on mystifying criteria like face ‘temperature’ (whatever that means) and even astrological signs!
One beauty column seriously claimed brunettes should never wear green hats on Tuesdays. Another insisted that hat brims should precisely match the width of a woman’s shoulders because any deviation would apparently result in catastrophic fashion failure.
6. Gloves For Every Ridiculous Occasion
Mid-century etiquette columns created absurdly complex rules about glove-wearing that seem designed solely to confuse women. Ladies were expected to own dozens of different gloves for specific times of day, activities, and social situations.
One particularly useless piece of advice suggested changing gloves multiple times during a single dinner party. Another insisted that glove length should be calculated using a mathematical formula involving the sleeve length, time of day, and the social standing of your hostess.
7. The ‘Husband-Pleasing’ Wardrobe System
Several 1950s fashion guides proposed elaborate systems for coding your wardrobe based on your husband’s preferences. Color-coded tags indicated which outfits received his approval, with women advised to gradually eliminate anything he didn’t compliment.
One particularly ridiculous ad suggested keeping a detailed log of his reactions to different hemlines. Another recommended surprising him with a fashion show of potential purchases, recording his facial expressions to guide future shopping trips.
8. The Ridiculous ‘Corset Diet’ Trend
Fashion magazines promoted wearing increasingly tight corsets as a weight loss method, claiming they would ‘train’ your stomach to require less food. This dangerous advice ignored basic human anatomy and comfort.
Women were instructed to tighten their corsets one notch each week until reaching waist measurements that were physically impossible for their frame.
Some advertisements even suggested sleeping in rigid corsets, promising that the discomfort would eventually fade as your organs ‘adjusted’ to their new positions.
9. Matching Your Lipstick To… Everything
Vintage beauty guides created insanely complicated rules about lipstick coordination that went far beyond matching your outfit. Women were seriously advised to select lipstick shades based on the furniture in rooms they’d be visiting.
One particularly absurd column suggested carrying multiple lipsticks to ensure harmony with different wallpapers throughout the day.
Another recommended matching your lip color to your husband’s tie or the flowers on your dinner table, because apparently, clashing with the centerpiece was a social catastrophe!
10. Posture Control Through Pain
Fashion magazines promoted torturous devices designed to perfect posture, including boards with nails that poked you if you slouched. These contraptions were marketed as beauty essentials rather than the medieval torture devices they resembled.
Young women were advised to practice walking with books balanced on their heads for hours daily. One particularly sadistic advertisement suggested wearing a special belt that tightened automatically whenever your stomach expanded.